The Real Thornberrys
by Soul Eater
Summary: Well i hate this show so much so i made this, you dont like it, deal with it, muhahahahah find out what my twisted mind can come up with!! >:]


Disclaimer: I don't own any of these P.O.S character, and if I did, I would shoot my self.  
  
A/N I'm only writing this fic because I'm bored, and I'm ever so pissed they are making a freaking movie about this show! .O now how many people are going to see this movie? One...two? If there is any more than that, then the world must be slowly spiraling into hell, I hope I die young just so I don't have to see this new and terrible world. When I first saw they were making this movie, I wanted to crap my pants in outrage! Ok on with my fic :] (this story is from the point of view of a mental institution doctor.)  
  
  
  
  
  
Never in all my life have I gotten a patient as crazy as Eliza Thornberry. I have been a doctor for a long time at that, I have seen a disgruntled postal worker go so mad, that he went missing and turned up three days later in an ally stroking a dead shaven puppy chanting "I love my baby, oh you're such a pretty baby!" Then I get the people who are chronically depressed, and kick their moms in the face. Those are the more common cases. But then one day, Eliza came...  
  
It was a normal day just like any other, I was cramming pills down one of my more crazy patient's mouth, affectionately dubbed Stabby MaGee. Oh there were some good times with Stabby MaGee. I was suddenly urgently called down to the front of the building, we were getting a new arrival, and they needed me to sedate her. I had always fancied sedating people, I decided to go with the extra thick needle this time.  
  
When I got out into the main entrance, they were taking a little girl out of the back of a truck, she looked as if she was having a seizure. Her eyes were rolled back in her head and she foamed at the mouth. Inhuman growls were coming from her. In between twitches it sounded as if she was telling a story, she kept talking to an imaginary chimp apparently named Darwin.  
  
"I can talk to animals!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA it's so great! I CAN REALLY TALK TO THEM!" Her laugh was maniacal, it filled the air, like some sort of thick fog. Another car then pulled up. Out of the car came three people. One was a very ugly, impossibly portioned man, whose massive bloated body was some how supported by his scrawny legs. His oval shaped head was rested on a much too small neck, it looked as if he was to even swallow a pea it would not fit. The next person to come out was a woman, who like the man before her was impossibly shaped. He hips were so thin that in order for her to carry children, they would have to be the size of a baseball. Her lips were huge, as if she took the extra mass needed in her hips and had them implanted in her lips. The last person to come out of the car was a teenager, she looked about sixteen. The first thing I thought of when I saw her was "Wow, what a crank whore." (And she did turn out to be one mind you.)  
  
The family was lead into my office where I was to question them. But I had to inject Eliza with some drugs first. She was strapped down to a table in a cold room, she saw me and started to babble on about stuff. "Darwin! Look! Is that a spotted turkey? Shut up Darwin! It wont urinate on is!" I found this a good time to thrust the needle into her veins to drug her up a bit. (Boy sedating people sure gives me a rush) Upon using the sedatives on her, she lashed out at me making weird clicking and grunting noises. I made a note to ask her parents about this.  
  
Back in my office, the family was sitting in the chairs talking. But they stopped as soon as I got in, glaring at me slightly. I sat down at my desk and took out the file the Thorberrys had just filled out.  
  
"Ok you must be Nigel," I said pointing at the horribly bloated man. "And you are Maryann Right? So that just leaves Debby." I gave her a polite wave that she bitterly returned. I just decided to ignore it, that cracka would probably die in a few years anyway. I laughed at the thought of her dying.  
  
"Now, would you like to tell me how Eliza got like this?" I asked.  
  
"Well, Eliza had always been schizophrenic, and was teetering on the brink of insanity. But due to the fact we could care less about our kids, we never got her looked at." Her mother said, lighting up a fat joint.  
  
"I'm sorry Mrs. Thornberry, but you can't do that in here." I said as nicely as I could, but what I really wanted to do was shoot her, perhaps with a shot gun. Sadly it was in my car, and I didn't feel like going out there right now. She put the joint in her shoe, and I could swear I saw a gerbil in there too.  
  
"Anyway," Maryann continued "our family was living in Columbia, because we were currently running from the US FBI. We had some trouble with drugs, besides the crack was cheaper down there." Maryann paused to take a swig of whisky. "This was the time Eliza was only part crazy, she would some times compulsively hide small furry animals, when ever she saw one that she liked, she would stick it in her pants to then later put in her room."  
  
Just then Debby got up. "Um will you excuse me...I have to...uh...pee." With that she got up and went out to the bathroom. I waited looking at the family in silence for her return. The only sound in the office was the swigging and slurping sounds from Maryann. Nigel just sat there, looking at my hair, making some comments under his breath; I think I heard him say something like 'oh what tasty hair you have my dear.' I got scared, I longed for the gun more and more in my trunk. Upon Debby's return, I saw her eyes were blood shot, and she had white powder on her nose. I could not believe how corrupt this family was. She walked over to my desk and pushed everything off. She then lay down on the desk, winking. So I punched her in the face. I figured that she was such a druggie, she would forget all about it and not be able to tell on me. Good old druggies, you can do almost anything to them and they won't even remember.  
  
"Ahem," I said clearing the trash off my desk; it fell to the ground with a meaty thud. "Would you please continue with the story?"  
  
"I'll take it from here," Said Debby, "Right so I was like totally talking to this fat dude who was like hooking me up you know? He had this big ring in his nose and it was like totally hot! Fat guys like really turn me on. Any way, Eliza happened to stumble in on my transaction, and like, the fat dude wouldn't sell me drugs with a kid right there, so I make up a kick ass lie! You see, I told her that he was a shaman and he could like do magic, and she bought it. So she then wished to like talk to animals, so the shaman took some of his cheep drugs, and sprinkled it over her head. I guess it sent her over the edge. It was friggen awesome!" She then broke out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. It apparently bothered her father, because he started kick her in the stomach. I obviously did nothing to help this sick girl. I did the only thing I could, giggle!  
  
"Will you please wait here, I need to run out to my car for a moment, please just sit tight." I ran out to my car, no longer able to sit and watch them kill each other. I decided to do it my self. Reaching into the trunk, I pulled out my shotgun, stroking it ever so lovingly.  
  
I walked back into the building, passing by my secretary, I gave her a maniacal smile.  
  
"Trouble with your clients again? You know you can't just shoot your way out of trouble every time it comes up." She said to me giving me a disapproving frown.  
  
"I'm sorry Ms. Bell, this will be my last time." I lied, shooting people was way to fun.  
  
"This better be! The staff is getting tired of cleaning your bullet filled corpses." She told me.  
  
Upon opining the door of my office, I saw Nigel sniffing an extra pair of my shoes. I decided he could go first. I quickly locked the door, smiling at them.  
  
"This ends now!" I screamed cocking my gun. I shot Nigel in his bloated torso, causing it to explode, his small appendage were flailing in the air even after being detached from the body. Next there was Maryann, I shot her in her oh too small middle. The bullet caused her to snap, sending her upper half crashing to the ground. Then there was the whore Debby, she was going to be fun to shoot. I took the gun in my hand, and I totally blew her head off! It was totally sweet!  
  
I pushed a button on my phone calling in the cleaning staff. I walked out letting them do their work, I decided to check on Eliza.  
  
Eliza had been placed inside a special white padded room, she was licking the floor. What a disturbed girl. I laughed at her misfortune. I mean come on, it's really funny to see a little girl in obvious pain and torment. She started to talk to her imaginary chimp again. This wasn't good.  
  
"Code blue! I'm going in!" I yelled. I pulled out my shot gun and shot her in the face. Another doctor then ran in to the room. "Why the hell did you do that?!?!" he yelled at me. The best reply I could think of was "Why not?" he looked at me funny then said, "Well you cant beat that logic!" and with that he danced down the hall.  
  
So ended another normal day. I felt good knowing I killed some loser dead beet family. I decided to go out to my car, putting my trusty gun back in the trunk. I started the car up, and drove off into the sunset, heading home where I could dream of flaming hamsters and break dancing cougars. Yes life was sweet. 


End file.
